Category Archives: Uncategorized

Hope for Discouraged Pastors

discouraged

As a group, pastors typically dream big, God-sized dreams for their ministry and their people. They hold on to the hope that one day the people they serve and lead will be transformed spiritually. Unfortunately they also often take personal responsibility for the spiritual growth of others. These factors often combine to create a sense of deep disappointment – even failure – when reality doesn’t seem to line up with their dreams and expectations.

If you are in ministry then you have tasted discouragement.

Joe Donaldson Coaching helps discouraged pastors enjoy greater effectiveness, passion, insight and clarity in ministry. Together we will design a coaching series around your area of greatest need. Here are a few examples:

  1. Finding Your Joy Again
  2. Launching New Ministries
  3. Vision Alignment
  4. Staying Sharp
  5. Navigating Transitions

Each coaching series will include personal assessment, ministry alignment, specific action plans, and ongoing follow-up. Imagine what this season of ministry could look like if you had an experienced, trusted confidant to help guide you along the way!

I am an experienced pastor (as well as a trained and certified coach) who is uniquely qualified to help you enjoy greater effectiveness, passion, insight, and clarity in your ministry. Contact me here and let’s explore what that could look like for you!

 

 

Closing the Gap

mind-the-gap-tube-sign-hi

  • You’re facing a major decision you’ve wrestled with for weeks – maybe even months – and you’re still uncertain which way to go. 
  • You’ve been attempting to achieve a particular goal but no matter what you do you’re no closer to attaining that goal than when you started.
  • You seem to be stuck in a Ground-Hog-Day loop repeating the same mistakes day after day after day.

The distance between where you are and where you want to be is “the gap.” This gap looks different for different people. Some are fairly small and take just a little more effort to cross. Other gaps are huge and will take some pretty intense work to successfully navigate. Either way you’re going to need some help closing the gap.

Regardless of size, coaching is the best way to close the gap. With a coach you will set a course and begin to take specific steps toward your goal. With each coaching conversation you will begin to see real, measurable progress as the gap begins to shrink. Each step of the way you are the one identifying the best “next step” along your journey. Your coach will guide you with questions to bring clarity, effectiveness, and momentum to your steps but you decide which steps to take and whether you will walk, run, or leap forward! You will experience a new sense of accomplishment once you close the gap and step back to celebrate your much-earned success.

What’s the gap in your life?

Message me for a complimentary coaching conversation and begin taking steps to close the gap today.

Subway’s “Life Coach” Fail

subway life coachHave you seen Subway’s latest commercial? The one that features a guy in a football helmet who says he has a life coach? Whenever he starts to eat, drink, or do something that threatens his success at achieving his weight loss goals the life coach barks orders to him (through a conveniently located headset in his helmet) to keep him on the right path. There is a little humor here but it is a total failure at identifying what a life coach actually does! It’s a great example of one who leads by telling – which is the exact opposite of what a good coach does.

A good coach helps you identify the goals, behaviors, and results that are important to you and your personal, relational, and professional growth and development. A good coach helps you discover the best path forward for you and what the next few steps look like. Through that process you will explore potential obstacles, resources, and motivations to ensure your success. Take note of those italicized words: identify, discover, explore. They are words that describe forward progress on the journey you are taking. And take notice of who is taking the journey – it’s you! Your coach doesn’t tell you which path to take or how to take the next step. That’s your call. In the end you will find that you get to your personal destination both faster and better with the solutions, methods, and steps that you design.

Sorry Subway, but you got this one wrong.

If you would like to know more about how you could benefit from good coaching I invite you to explore my blog – epic coaching – or just reply to this post. I offer a limited number of complimentary, no-obligation coaching sessions each month where you can see if coaching is right for you. Contact me here and let’s start the conversation!

 

The Best Coaching Question I’ve Ever Been Asked!

question mark

Two years ago I was having a conversation with a friend. As we were talking about a challenge I was having in ministry he asked me a question that I consider to be the best coaching question I’ve ever been asked. I use it often – but sparingly. In fact, I used it today. Here it is:

“When you pray about this, what do you hear God telling you?”

Even as you read this I’m guessing you responded with something like an, “Ahhhhhh!” and you immediately recognize the multi-faceted impact of this question. It contains at least three expectations:

  1. An expectation that the person being coached prays and values conversing with God.
  2. An expectation that prayer is two-way and that one will hear from God through prayer.
  3. An expectation that the person being coached has already spent time praying about this issue.

As a christian ministry leader (pastor) everyone I coach is also a Christian and many are ministry leaders. For me, these are reasonable expectations to hold when I and/or the person I am coaching identifies as a Christian, but even people with other spiritual beliefs could benefit from it.

Whenever I ask the “When you pray” question the response is always the same. After a brief pause they say, “Hmmm. Good question!” What follows varies. Sometimes there is an admission of little or no prayer about the issue. Other times there is an expression of uncertainty or a desire for more clarity in what they are hearing from God. In just about every case there is a renewed commitment to prayer. Perhaps we collectively realize that the quote from Oswald Chambers is accurate, “We tend to use prayer as a last resort, but God wants it to be our first line of defense.”

Let me say that I never lead with this question! It’s not a short-cut. When I coach I ask questions that help the coachee identify the topic, develop awareness of the issues that influence the topic, and discover meaningful solutions. I try to ask this question only when I sense that the coachee appears to be stuck or is not considering the impact their spiritual beliefs can bring to the conversation. And I find that it’s a great question to frequently ask myself!

I enjoy coaching ministry leaders. Some are struggling to get things done or to implement a new approach. Others are wrestling with vision and call. Many are in some type of transition. If that’s you we should talk. I offer no-cost, no-obligation initial consults. From there you can decide if coaching is a good fit for you. Contact me and let’s get the conversation started.

Why Telling People What to Do Doesn’t Work

 

megaphone-man

Actually, there’s a simple way to prove that telling people what to do doesn’t work. Here it is: Do you like being told what to do? Are you more likely to make a change if you’re told to do something or if you choose to implement that change on your own? In reality, no one likes being told what to do. And while we might comply with a demand that’s made of us, it will rarely result in any lasting change.

There’s some pretty good science to explain why this is true. According to an article by David Rock in the Neuro Leadership Journal the approach (reward) – avoid (threat) response is a reflexive activity that occurs unconsciously and automatically.  We quickly perceive situations and stimuli as containing either a threat or a reward. Not surprisingly, the way we perceive those situations determines whether we engage or we avoid. According to Rock, “Engagement is a state of being willing to do difficult things, take risks, to think deeply about issues and develop new solutions.” (emphasis added). That’s the goal of coaching!

In the coaching conversation the person being coached is guided toward a reward-engagement response by asking non-threatening questions which develop awareness and stimulate growth and action. The coach will avoid judgmental questions, leading questions, or what I call “test questions” where there is only one correct answer. Questions like these will result in an involuntary threat-avoidance response.  Someone who asks questions like these neither understands basic human behavior nor practices good coaching techniques. Just ask someone who has received good coaching and they’ll tell you: there’s one reason why coaching works – the questions! Not your basic run-of-the-mill yes/no questions or those there’s-only-one-right-answer questions or I’m-the-boss-and-I-want-an-answer-right-now type questions. A good coach asks questions that help you discover more about yourself and more about the journey you are on – “to think deeply about issues and develop new solutions!”

That’s why I enjoy being a coach! I get to ask the type of questions that help people become more engaged in the issues that matter most to them and to discover new pathways of success, effectiveness, and enjoyment in the pursuit of those life issues. If that sounds helpful to you, contact me and let’s start the conversation.

I offer a limited number of complimentary introductory coaching sessions each month. Contact me here about scheduling a session with you.

What Charlie the dog Taught Me about Coaching!

Version 2Every summer we spend a week in our daughter and son-in-law’s home in Portland watching their dog while they take a family vacation. It’s really a win-win for everyone – except for Charlie! He’s a pretty chill dog – just lays around most of the time – but he can’t be trusted to be left alone in the house. So whenever we leave Charlie needs to be kenneled. Would you be surprised if I told you Charlie doesn’t like the kennel? Getting him into the kennel is a real challenge. It takes several commands, some begging, raised voices, and maybe a bribe or two!

This past summer I had a breakthrough. Charlie didn’t respond well as I stood at the destination and told him what to do, or when I stood several feet away pointing to the kennel and told Charlie to get in. So I tried something different: I walked up to the dog, stood next to him, and walked alongside him all the way to the kennel!  It worked!

In most areas of life we have people telling us what to do, where we need to be, and how to get there. In effect, we’re being commanded to “get in the kennel” when we really don’t want to! Eventually we surrender to this command and walk slowly into our own little prison with our tail between our legs! We don’t want to go there, we’re not going to enjoy being there, and we can’t wait to get out. The next time we’re supposed “get in the kennel” the process has to be repeated all over.

There’s a better way.

With coaching the coach walks alongside the person being coached, helping them discover the best process for them to get to their desired destination. Coaching works because the person being coached gets to decide the where, what, when, how, why, and who of the journey. No one is pointing to the destination and ordering you to go there. No one is raising their voices and barking commands at you. Instead, the coach functions as a guide who listens well and asks questions that aid your own personal discovery. In the end you will have designed the best next step for you along your journey.

Doesn’t that sound like a better way? It is. And there are thousands upon thousands of people who have discovered that coaching is a much better way to identify – and achieve – life’s next steps! I offer a limited number of no-obligation introductory sessions each month for people who want to give coaching a test-drive. Contact me and let’s start the conversation!

Top Ten Reasons to Get a Coach

Don’t think you need a coach? Think again! Here are ten reasons why you should get a coach:

10. Your boss (or your spouse) told you so!
Ok. So this one is not very subtle! When someone important in your life tells you to get help they mean it! You may not see the value in getting coached yet but you should trust their advice (or plea!) and call a coach today.

9. You were passed over for a promotion…again!
Let’s see if we can’t figure out together why this keeps happening. It might be related to #10 (see above) or #2 through #8 (see below). Taking responsibility for your own direction and development is a great outcome of coaching.

8. You’re in a performance loop.
Does your life remind you of the movie “Groundhog Day?” Have you been down this road before repeating the same tasks and mistakes? epic coaching can help you break out of the loop.

7. You keep hitting the wall.
Different from a performance loop (see #8 above) you just can’t seem to get past a certain point. You’ve tried different tactics but there just doesn’t seem anyway over, around, under, or through that wall. A fresh conversation with a good coach can help you discover some fresh and effective ways to get past that wall.

6. You struggle with achieving an elusive goal.
You understand the importance of setting goals but there are one or more goals that seem to be just beyond your reach. A coach can help you set smart goals that will produce the results that you want.

5. You have poor follow-through.
Every year you set new goals. Every month you review those goals and determine to make progress toward achieving them – except that the goals haven’t really changed in years. A coach can help you turn those goals into actions so that you can start making progress.

4. You don’t even know where to start!
While you’ve identified the problem you don’t have any clue where to start in tackling the problem. Coaching is an intentional conversation that will help you identify the steps that will be most helpful for you.

3. You lack purpose or direction.
You have a sense that something is not quite right and that things could be better but beyond that it’s kind of fuzzy. If you would like to bring some clarity to your life then talk with a coach.

2. You want something more.
You are ready to move forward and to take the next step. You’ve been in this rut for far too long and it’s time to take action! This is where coaching pays huge dividends. A coach will help you get where you want to go – faster!

1. It works!
Coaching works because no one is telling you what to do or how to do it! The coaching conversation focuses on the future and on actively achieving the goals that you have set. Coaching gets the results that you want.

Ready to talk to a coach?  I can help you get started. Contact me and let’s start the conversation!