Tag Archives: Men

Closing the Gap

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  • You’re facing a major decision you’ve wrestled with for weeks – maybe even months – and you’re still uncertain which way to go. 
  • You’ve been attempting to achieve a particular goal but no matter what you do you’re no closer to attaining that goal than when you started.
  • You seem to be stuck in a Ground-Hog-Day loop repeating the same mistakes day after day after day.

The distance between where you are and where you want to be is “the gap.” This gap looks different for different people. Some are fairly small and take just a little more effort to cross. Other gaps are huge and will take some pretty intense work to successfully navigate. Either way you’re going to need some help closing the gap.

Regardless of size, coaching is the best way to close the gap. With a coach you will set a course and begin to take specific steps toward your goal. With each coaching conversation you will begin to see real, measurable progress as the gap begins to shrink. Each step of the way you are the one identifying the best “next step” along your journey. Your coach will guide you with questions to bring clarity, effectiveness, and momentum to your steps but you decide which steps to take and whether you will walk, run, or leap forward! You will experience a new sense of accomplishment once you close the gap and step back to celebrate your much-earned success.

What’s the gap in your life?

Message me for a complimentary coaching conversation and begin taking steps to close the gap today.

The Best Coaching Question I’ve Ever Been Asked!

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Two years ago I was having a conversation with a friend. As we were talking about a challenge I was having in ministry he asked me a question that I consider to be the best coaching question I’ve ever been asked. I use it often – but sparingly. In fact, I used it today. Here it is:

“When you pray about this, what do you hear God telling you?”

Even as you read this I’m guessing you responded with something like an, “Ahhhhhh!” and you immediately recognize the multi-faceted impact of this question. It contains at least three expectations:

  1. An expectation that the person being coached prays and values conversing with God.
  2. An expectation that prayer is two-way and that one will hear from God through prayer.
  3. An expectation that the person being coached has already spent time praying about this issue.

As a christian ministry leader (pastor) everyone I coach is also a Christian and many are ministry leaders. For me, these are reasonable expectations to hold when I and/or the person I am coaching identifies as a Christian, but even people with other spiritual beliefs could benefit from it.

Whenever I ask the “When you pray” question the response is always the same. After a brief pause they say, “Hmmm. Good question!” What follows varies. Sometimes there is an admission of little or no prayer about the issue. Other times there is an expression of uncertainty or a desire for more clarity in what they are hearing from God. In just about every case there is a renewed commitment to prayer. Perhaps we collectively realize that the quote from Oswald Chambers is accurate, “We tend to use prayer as a last resort, but God wants it to be our first line of defense.”

Let me say that I never lead with this question! It’s not a short-cut. When I coach I ask questions that help the coachee identify the topic, develop awareness of the issues that influence the topic, and discover meaningful solutions. I try to ask this question only when I sense that the coachee appears to be stuck or is not considering the impact their spiritual beliefs can bring to the conversation. And I find that it’s a great question to frequently ask myself!

I enjoy coaching ministry leaders. Some are struggling to get things done or to implement a new approach. Others are wrestling with vision and call. Many are in some type of transition. If that’s you we should talk. I offer no-cost, no-obligation initial consults. From there you can decide if coaching is a good fit for you. Contact me and let’s get the conversation started.

Why Telling People What to Do Doesn’t Work

 

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Actually, there’s a simple way to prove that telling people what to do doesn’t work. Here it is: Do you like being told what to do? Are you more likely to make a change if you’re told to do something or if you choose to implement that change on your own? In reality, no one likes being told what to do. And while we might comply with a demand that’s made of us, it will rarely result in any lasting change.

There’s some pretty good science to explain why this is true. According to an article by David Rock in the Neuro Leadership Journal the approach (reward) – avoid (threat) response is a reflexive activity that occurs unconsciously and automatically.  We quickly perceive situations and stimuli as containing either a threat or a reward. Not surprisingly, the way we perceive those situations determines whether we engage or we avoid. According to Rock, “Engagement is a state of being willing to do difficult things, take risks, to think deeply about issues and develop new solutions.” (emphasis added). That’s the goal of coaching!

In the coaching conversation the person being coached is guided toward a reward-engagement response by asking non-threatening questions which develop awareness and stimulate growth and action. The coach will avoid judgmental questions, leading questions, or what I call “test questions” where there is only one correct answer. Questions like these will result in an involuntary threat-avoidance response.  Someone who asks questions like these neither understands basic human behavior nor practices good coaching techniques. Just ask someone who has received good coaching and they’ll tell you: there’s one reason why coaching works – the questions! Not your basic run-of-the-mill yes/no questions or those there’s-only-one-right-answer questions or I’m-the-boss-and-I-want-an-answer-right-now type questions. A good coach asks questions that help you discover more about yourself and more about the journey you are on – “to think deeply about issues and develop new solutions!”

That’s why I enjoy being a coach! I get to ask the type of questions that help people become more engaged in the issues that matter most to them and to discover new pathways of success, effectiveness, and enjoyment in the pursuit of those life issues. If that sounds helpful to you, contact me and let’s start the conversation.

I offer a limited number of complimentary introductory coaching sessions each month. Contact me here about scheduling a session with you.

Five Reasons to Start Coaching NOW!

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What? Start something as significant as coaching now? Just a we’re about to enter the busyness of the holiday season? Why not wait until after the first of the year?

Here are five reasons why today is absolutely the best time to start coaching:

 

  1. If you won’t start now you’re unlikely to start later. Putting things off until “the time is right” is a fools errand! The time is never right. There will always be distractions and busy schedules. By starting coaching now you will be able to get control of your life before the New Year starts. Actually, it’s this kind of “I’ll just wait until….” thinking is a strong indicator that getting a coach is imperative!
  2. It will give you a head start on those elusive New Year’s resolutions. How successful have you been in the past in making headway on your goals and resolutions? Like losing a few pounds, or changing your career, or finally getting control of your schedule? Would you like next year to be different? Initiating conversations with a coach now will permit you to put the actions into motion that will allow you to achieve the goals you’ve always hoped for.
  3. Coach’s Schedules Fill-Up In January. Beginning January 2, coach’s phones will start ringing and their email in-boxes will start overflowing. After the annual ritual of introspection leaves people wanting more, everyone will start looking for a way forward. Some of them will contact a coach. You can beat the rush and secure your place on their schedules by getting signed-up now. Even as I write this I am near my upper limit on my coaching load. Once that fills I won’t have openings for at least six months.
  4. It Will Change Your Storyline. Right now your story is riddled with enough failed attempts at getting things done to fill that junk drawer in your kitchen. How different would your life be if that were to change? Spending time with a coach will help make those changes a reality. Before you know it you will be telling all of your friends how great it feels to finally overcome those challenges and complete those tasks that have been unfinished for way too long.  Let that be your story!
  5. Doing nothing is not an option. If you don’t get started – and get started now – the odds are pretty good that next year at this time you will come across another article like this one and realize that nothing has changed. In fact, you might have even made a few steps backwards instead of moving forward. That’s just no good. Take that first step. And do it now!

Contact me today and let’s get the conversation started.